They'll Never Print It

The angry white male columnists at the Pioneer Press ran two successive anti-cycling pieces last week. Sansevere Soucheray

I sent a rebuttal to the "Letters to the Editor"- I doubt they'll ever see the light of day.

EDIT: I just received a call to confirm that I wrote the letter. Apparently it will see the light of day. Who knew? Since it can't be published anywhere else, I will link to it when it is in the paper.

For those that don't want to "subscribe," here are the reprints:

Posted on Tue, Jul. 26, 2005

Lance wannabes hog roads

BY BOB SANSEVERE

A few things: It is exciting that Lance Armstrong won his seventh straight Tour de France. It's especially exciting that he's retiring from cycling. Now maybe there will be fewer bicyclists crowding our streets and ignoring the rules of the road.

While it is massively impressive that Armstrong overcame cancer to win a record number of Tour de France titles, I hold him directly responsible for the surge in scofflaw bicyclists.

All those Tour de France victories ramped up interest in cycling, and I'm hoping now that he's retiring a lot of the law-breaking Lance wannabes will put their bikes up for sale on eBay.

There are plenty of law-abiding bicycle riders out there, and I have no gripe with them when they stop at stop signs and don't go pedaling through red lights.

The problem is, there are far too many SOBs (Spandex-Obsessed Bicyclists) who think they own whatever road they're on.

And it's not usually someone riding a Schwinn or Huffy. It's often the SOBs on their sleek Armstrongesque racing bikes.

Bob Sansevere can be reached at bsansevere@pioneerpress.com.

-AND-

Posted on Wed, Jul. 27, 2005

Armstrong's success creates red devils in yellow jerseys

JOE SOUCHERAY

As an experiment I have asked several bicycle riders if they can name any other top-flight cyclists besides Lance Armstrong. I am sure that serious fans of bicycle racing can name dozens of other riders, but I am talking about the average bicycle rider who puts on a rainbow-colored tight-fitting uniform and then races through the city streets pretending to be Lance Armstrong.

It is a rare occasion when one of this type actually stops next to you at a red light, but when they do, ask them.

"Can you name five top-flight cyclists besides Lance Armstrong?'' I asked a guy the other afternoon.

He swung his head to look at me. I was evil. I was burning gasoline.

"Bug off,'' he said, or words to that effect.

"Just one,'' I said. "I'll take one other name.''

This got me a gesture.

I can't do it, either. I vaguely remember the name Eddy Merckx, a five-time Tour de France winner from Belgium. I have no idea why that name rings any bells.

This phenomenon makes Lance Armstrong all the more remarkable. I hope he has a good agent. I cannot think of any other athlete in any other sport who has so single-handedly dominated the game.

The average person, by whom I mean the men and women who are racing about the city streets pretending they are Lance, can all name more than one professional basketball player. The same is true for baseball, football and even hockey after a year's absence. OK, hockey might be a stretch, but more people will be able to name two hockey players than two bicycle racers.

And as dominating as Tiger Woods is, the average person can name more than one golfer, and when it comes to tennis you get two names out of the same family, Venus and Serena.

The devotion or loyalty to Lance is so thorough that most bicycle riders now dress in a complete Tour de France cycling uniform. Imagine if the fans of Kevin Garnett wore complete basketball uniforms to play five on five at the playground. They wear jerseys, you say. Yes they do, but not the same shorts, socks, sweat bands, shoes and shoelaces.

Well, golfers dress like professionals. No, they don't. The average golfer doesn't wear a shirt covered in the logos of the Ford Motor Co. or a financial consulting firm. Besides, golfers are not playing on the city's streets.

I have no problem at all conceding that Lance Armstrong is the greatest athlete of my lifetime. Nobody wins seven straight anythings, much less seven straight grueling bicycle races through mountains and twisty village lanes, all the while putting up with French people.

The real test is what will happen now that Lance has retired at the age of 34. Next year the Tour de France will probably go back to six paragraphs on , or where it was before Lance came onto the scene, having beaten cancer and all other rivals.

But will the streets of St. Paul and Minneapolis quiet down? I doubt it. Driving will remain harrowing, what with the new pedestrian laws and the new law that will allow young people to use the streets on little mechanized scooters and, of course, the hordes of uniformed bicycle riders who ignore the traffic laws because they are in training to become the next Lance Armstrong and cannot be bothered with trivial matters such as red lights.

The honest bicycle riders out there — and, yes, there must be a few — will admit it. They think exactly the same thing when they are driving their SUVs. Lance Armstrong has created a monster of road-hogging hero worshippers. Look out.

Joe Soucheray can be reached at jsoucheray@pioneerpress.com.