Why Does Budweiser Sucketh So?

Caveat: I realize Bud is easy to pick on, so forgive me. The other day I saw a car with a huge Budweiser graphic that took up the entire rear window. Who has that much pride in any beer they drink?

We went out to eat at a Thai restaurant Friday night. It has become something of a weekly routine for us. We always order the same thing, and for beer I always drink a Singha. I'm sure Singha is the Budweiser of Thailand, but it blows Bud out of the water in terms of its taste. Lately we've had Corona and Carlsberg beers in our fridge, both the Budweiser of their respective Mexico and Denmark. Even the lowly Norwegian Tou beer puts Budweiser to shame. So what is the problem?

Thinking about my own experience with Budweiser, it occurred to me that the only times I have ever consumed it was when the choice was already made for me- like it was stadium beer at a game or concert- or outdoor event. I don't think I've ever willfully ordered it when I've had any alternatives. Now, according to the Budweiser website, nearly one out of every two beers sold in the US is an Anheuser-Busch product. This led me to think that maybe they sold other beers of a higher caliber, so I checked out the Anheuser-Busch product family. They sell Busch and Michelob as well- neither of which I'd pay money for. O' Doul's may very well be their finest beer product, in my estimation.

Now, lest you think I'm just picking on the "King of Beers" because they are an easy target, or that you think I'm so far left of center that I belong at a WTO protest, I will disclose that when it comes to colas, it is either Coke or Pepsi. There really is no such thing as a "microbrew cola" or import cola that even comes close. So what is the problem with Bud?

My research into Budweiser suckage took me to this site. You simply must check out the last THREE YEARS of comments regarding Bud, Including such gems as

"This "beer" is the main cause of spousal abuse,"

"The people who have stated that they like this beer are not to be trusted with any type of important medical decisions,"

"It's not beer, it's detergent!",

"Beer is beer, it's just a matter of taste and preference. To me, Bud will always be #1. NASCAR rules!",

"Budweiser, in my professional opinion, taste much like a cross between ostrich urine and St.Bernard saliva. Bud lite taste like liquefied house flies with a hint of basil. I don’t mean to be derogatory, but the people I know who drink either, cannot be trusted around children, and play a lot of badmitten. Oh, they are also quite unsightly and smell like they haven’t wiped in many day's. Thank you.",

"Priced higher than Schlitz only because of the Clydesdales (who drink Bud, by the way) and because it is the ORIGINAL bug spray flavored beer, so there is historical value. After all, it isn't the "BEER" that you pay for when you buy this rotgut brew.
Decent beer sells without such a hideous degree of advertising. Have you ever met any of the people who own Budweiser merchandise franchises? Double Yuck!",

"I've had over 200 different beers and Budweiser is the best-tasting beer of them all. If you don't like it you are 1) a woman 2) a cheap un-American communist. This the one and original one and only King of Beers"

-- it just goes on and on, but this one stood out as the best:

"Its drinkable, but barely. It's flavorless swill for the masses. Both bashing it and praising it are trendy, so no one really has anything original to say about it. Better than Coors at least, but it's basically just seltzer with a little alcohol in it. Busch, Coors, and Pabst have given American beers an undeserved bad name though. In any case, buy a real beer. This is ok for getting drunk but nothing else.".

Granted, arguing about beers is akin to discussing religion and politics, but still, I have a difficult time understanding how anyone can actually love Budweiser (a real nugget from archives of the National Review). Then again, maybe beer is politics.